The Grindchildren: Notes on Vulnerability
Written from the county line by J.P. Gairhan
Welcome to From the County Line. This is a place for Kendall County residents to share sentences and ideas with their neighbors. Pitch ideas to me (Kendall) by responding to any of my newsletters.
I met my friend Kendall Hardy on the internet. Specifically twitter dot com. She was a friend of a friend of a friend who worked in Mississippi as an educator. This was the spring of 2020 and like many people, I sat around at home trying to imagine what my life could be in the near future.
The COVID-19 pandemic forced the lion's share of society to reassess their understanding of public life. As people were cooped up and scared, we yearned for a time when we could go out and be amongst people again. We are a social species. Our ancestors survived because of their ability to build communal ties. Those ties sprung from necessity, but as the human species evolved, we began to craft more advanced community bonds.
“Welcome out of the cave, my friend. It's a bit colder out here, but the stars are just beautiful.” Plato
Fast forward. It was April of 2021. Spring had finally sprung, and anyone who has ever lived in Mississippi knows that April is the loveliest month of the year. In the evening, the budding magnolia almost seems to glow in the fading light. The humidity and mosquitoes aren’t quite at full strength, and the time is ripe for new beginnings.
I myself had just moved to the Mississippi Delta. Kendall, then an avid Twitter user (no longer true) and Shelby County resident (still true), posted about buying a ticket package to the Memphis Grizzlies for the upcoming season. I showed the tweet to my best friend Wes, and before we knew it, we were all in a group text discussing the idea.
“Once more unto the breach, dear friends” William Shakespeare (from Henry V, spoken by King Henry)
Although we admired Kendall from what she posted online, we had never actually met her in person. The three of us committed our time and money to spending multiple evenings together in Memphis, Tennessee (the greatest city in North America), on very much a lark.
In retrospect, it is incredible to think that we committed to this shared endeavor while knowing so little about each other! Real risks were taken in forming The Grindchildren (more on this title in a moment). Kendall committed to this experience with two dudes from Arkansas who she had never met. For all she knew, we could have been serial killers, or worse, guys who talk about the stock market in casual conversation. Scary stuff.
Maybe this can be chalked up to the transformative power of the internet, but things worked out for our group. The three of us bought four tickets together, giving us the opportunity to introduce a rotating cast of guests into our circle. Our connection grew alongside the fabric of our social lives. Friends of friends became friends in their own right, and Grizz games became vital fixtures on our calendars.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world (by hanging out and watching basketball together); indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead, reflecting on The Grindchildren
In 2010, Tony Allen (“The Grindfather”) joined the Grizzlies family. In 2021, Wesley Prewett, Kendall Hardy, and myself (“The Grindchildren”) followed suit. Naming our group gave it additional dimension. The Grindchildren suddenly had a culture that extended beyond mere friendship. We transitioned into a collective.
There are inside jokes that certainly fit into the “you just had to be there” category, but our texting thread became more than that. In the group message today, there is a similar chance to find an article from the Commercial Appeal as there is to see a link concerning the new class of PEUGEOT bicycles. I know the names of Kendall’s siblings and how many industrial refrigerators were used at the hostel she lived in that one summer in Asheville, North Carolina (five). Just friend things!
“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” Walter Anderson
The real key to The Grindchildren is an ability to be vulnerable. Study after study says that people today, while more connected than ever, often feel more lonely. When The Grindchildren committed to attending basketball games together, we committed to each other as individuals.
The world is scary. We duck and weave as we navigate the more complex chapters of the human experience. Trust is hard to gain because it can be so easily fractured. We would all be better for it if we made an intention to be more vulnerable with others—presenting ourselves authentically and hoping to be welcomed.
The Grindchildren decided to go watch basketball games together, and now we are all dear friends. We took a chance on one another. Two of the best years in the Grizzlies franchise history coincided with two years of new ties and companionship.
Our ancestors would be proud of this new village. Early hominins would have loved hitting up Kwik Chek before heading downtown for a 7:30 tip-off. They would have really loved it.
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